Lol why should I be worried? You were the one asking him all those questions about how much he liked her and if he wanted to get married, and you were all like "oh he's gay so nvm" Now when I'm about to date him, you're suddenly all sad about her being involved?
You think I'm some perfect little angel don't you? Maybe that's my fault bc we never talk about ourselves and maybe I should've been trying harder to like Relate to you in the way I already do
But I'm an asshole I've always been an asshole So with that excuse already taken, you can't use it anymore Sorry
He knew, this whole fucking time he knew, and yet — seeing the words is another reality altogether, one that completely overrides every other detail in that message.]
it doesn't matter if he's gay, he's royalty or whatever. they'll make him do it anyway. haven't you seen the way he talks? he's fucking miserable about it but he treats it like a duty and we're not gonna change his mind that easy.
why the fuck do you think i'm worried about me i don't give a shit about me in this situation, jonas that's the whole point
so maybe you should be an asshole more often, if it means you'll say what you actually think to my face instead of talking to noctis behind my back.
are you just checking in to make sure i don't like him too? mission accomplished.
I have always said what I think to your face Remember when I told you I'm into you? How about when I told you I love you? Maybe when I said I wanted us to be together forever Or when I begged you to fuck me in the most vulnerable state of my life You didn't clock those? When you're like so much fucking smarter than both of us and you think you know better?
But you're not worried about you in this situation ofc Could've fooled me
( Blinking back angry tears, he sits heavily on his cot. Fuck them. Fuck this.
He should start walking to the mountains and the shimmer beyond them. Alone. They're so close, and he could, totally in private, wish for a fucking lobotomy. )
Reading that is a dizzying, terrifying experience — where it feels like his stomach has dropped out, like he's missed the last step on a staircase, and now he's spinning out, tripping into a fall.]
You ARE my friend you fucking dickhead You two are the best friends I've ever had That doesn't stop when you like somebody you idiot I told you what I was saying, I don't know how to make it any clearer to you
I don't know what to do Noctis is pissed at me, you're pissed sat me, I can't stop fucking everything in my life up for 2 mins
Just forget it You said it We just fucked we just had fun I got it I'm dipping but I'll check in some other time if that's cool with you, like if you want that
you just said you're going to DATE him and then you turn around and act like i was supposed to know you felt some other way? none of that was fucking clear to me! all i saw was how fucking obsessed with each other you were, and how much you were sharing, i wasn't a part of any of those conversations
and now you're running away after you came in here first cool, whatever
Oh Okay Yeah I said I was going to date him, you stuck your tongue down his throat and now you're telling me you're "not anything" like saying that wouldn't absolutely fucking kill him if he read it Spot the difference
idk where you get off saying we're obsessed with each other when you two are all you ever talked about Noctis did this, Cain said that, Cain did this, Noctis said that, blah de fucking blah I'm shocked I even factor in, truly and genuinely shocked
Jesus lmfao and honestly this is so rich coming from the guy who was like "Oh I have a feeling Noctis is into you Jonas I can tell😎 I've got a gaydar and it's going off like an air raid siren" Meanwhile I'm like "Cain you're so hot omg I'm so into you, I love you man, I want to be with you forever" and you don't notice? Meanwhile x2, Noctis is right there like "Screw you bastard I spat in your drink" and you're like "omggggggg Noctis oooooooo break my ribs💦"
Do you think I'm just completely blind deaf and a fucking DUMBASS??????
[He feels like he's going insane. Reading that, he must be — and he doesn't understand how they all ended up here. Maybe he wasn't careful enough. Maybe he should have been worse, crueler, so they'd back off and leave him to his own miserable memories.
Because now they're just... hurting each other for no reason. And it doesn't feel like they can stop.]
are you seriously using those stupid cartoon images right now
you're "shocked", huh then yeah you're a fucking dumbass, jonas, this has always been about you since day fucking one, it's all you noctis was the one who had to tell me to stop bringing you up
remember when you said those things to me? use your brain for a sec if i wasn't touching your dick it was because i had my tongue down YOUR throat you think it's the first time i heard someone talk like that when they're horny? i wasn't born yesterday that's not real.
and if it was anything else, it came with a pretty clear glaring neon sign that i was just a friend when did you ever say you wanted something else? because you definitely told noctis you want more with him. not me. tell me i'm wrong.
have you slept together already too? don't wanna waste any time
( Each line he reads makes his chest rise and fall quicker until he has to grasp at his mother's ring hanging from his necklace chain.
A response doesn't come for several minutes. )
No, you're right You're right about everything
I can admit to a list of my fuck-ups according to you: - I'm a homewrecker - You're not worried about yourself in this scenario and actually I make everything about me because I couldn't care less about either of you - I've been lying this whole time - I don't use my brain I just do things without thinking about the consequences (clearly) - I'm a whore who likes taking dick so much that all my feelings are fake - We've never once just been hugging while I shared my feelings with you because I thought it was the right time and it wasn't (clearly) - You're my friend and I shouldn't have suggested otherwise - I kissed Noctis - I fucked Noctis - Whatever else you want to add, you can do it here, just tack anything on and then you can honestly just copy/paste it wherever it'd be way easier
Sorry I lead you both on, I messed all of this up pretty bad I'm gone fr now, yes I'm a coward too I need some space from both fo you
[That's not what he wants. He doesn't want to be told he's right — even if it might have been something he'd chased in the past, to the detriment of everyone around him. But he didn't have Jonas in his life back then. He didn't have Noctis. He just had whatever shitty hand life dealt him, forced to cope with it alone.
Reading that list doesn't feel like winning. It just makes these ugly emotions in him deepen further, jealousy and hurt and anger twisted into an unrecognizable mess. He saw this coming a mile away and he did nothing to stop it, so it's his fault too. There's so much in what Jonas lists that he could further argue, so much that could drive him into a spiral of doubt and insecurity as he imagines the two of them together, without him. Wouldn't they be happier?
It seemed like the right choice at the time. But now he's looking back at all the mean words they've said to each other and he doesn't think so, after all.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He shouldn't be mean. Not to Jonas, who doesn't deserve it. But this stupid, hurting feeling—]
you don't need my permission. i'm not gonna take him from you. he barely tolerates me now.
shouldn't you be more worried about the fact that noctis is fucking engaged?
no subject
You were the one asking him all those questions about how much he liked her and if he wanted to get married, and you were all like "oh he's gay so nvm"
Now when I'm about to date him, you're suddenly all sad about her being involved?
You think I'm some perfect little angel don't you?
Maybe that's my fault bc we never talk about ourselves and maybe I should've been trying harder to like
Relate to you in the way I already do
But I'm an asshole
I've always been an asshole
So with that excuse already taken, you can't use it anymore
Sorry
no subject
He knew, this whole fucking time he knew, and yet — seeing the words is another reality altogether, one that completely overrides every other detail in that message.]
it doesn't matter if he's gay, he's royalty or whatever. they'll make him do it anyway. haven't you seen the way he talks? he's fucking miserable about it but he treats it like a duty and we're not gonna change his mind that easy.
why the fuck do you think i'm worried about me
i don't give a shit about me in this situation, jonas
that's the whole point
so maybe you should be an asshole more often, if it means you'll say what you actually think to my face instead of talking to noctis behind my back.
are you just checking in to make sure i don't like him too? mission accomplished.
no subject
Remember when I told you I'm into you?
How about when I told you I love you?
Maybe when I said I wanted us to be together forever
Or when I begged you to fuck me in the most vulnerable state of my life
You didn't clock those?
When you're like so much fucking smarter than both of us and you think you know better?
But you're not worried about you in this situation ofc
Could've fooled me
( Blinking back angry tears, he sits heavily on his cot. Fuck them. Fuck this.
He should start walking to the mountains and the shimmer beyond them. Alone. They're so close, and he could, totally in private, wish for a fucking lobotomy. )
1/2
Reading that is a dizzying, terrifying experience — where it feels like his stomach has dropped out, like he's missed the last step on a staircase, and now he's spinning out, tripping into a fall.]
what are you saying
that's not what you meant
2/2
we just fucked. we just had fun.
what the fuck are you saying, jonas?
1/3
You two are the best friends I've ever had
That doesn't stop when you like somebody you idiot
I told you what I was saying, I don't know how to make it any clearer to you
2/3
idk
3/3
Noctis is pissed at me, you're pissed sat me, I can't stop fucking everything in my life up for 2 mins
Just forget it
You said it
We just fucked we just had fun
I got it
I'm dipping but I'll check in some other time if that's cool with you, like if you want that
GET BACK HERE
[All this time... he thought—]
you just said you're going to DATE him
and then you turn around and act like i was supposed to know you felt some other way?
none of that was fucking clear to me! all i saw was how fucking obsessed with each other you were, and how much you were sharing, i wasn't a part of any of those conversations
and now you're running away
after you came in here first
cool, whatever
SCREAMS
Okay
Yeah I said I was going to date him, you stuck your tongue down his throat and now you're telling me you're "not anything" like saying that wouldn't absolutely fucking kill him if he read it
Spot the difference
idk where you get off saying we're obsessed with each other when you two are all you ever talked about
Noctis did this, Cain said that, Cain did this, Noctis said that, blah de fucking blah
I'm shocked I even factor in, truly and genuinely shocked
Jesus lmfao and honestly this is so rich coming from the guy who was like
"Oh I have a feeling Noctis is into you Jonas I can tell😎 I've got a gaydar and it's going off like an air raid siren"
Meanwhile I'm like "Cain you're so hot omg I'm so into you, I love you man, I want to be with you forever" and you don't notice?
Meanwhile x2, Noctis is right there like "Screw you bastard I spat in your drink" and you're like "omggggggg Noctis oooooooo break my ribs💦"
Do you think I'm just completely blind deaf and a fucking DUMBASS??????
no subject
Because now they're just... hurting each other for no reason. And it doesn't feel like they can stop.]
are you seriously using those stupid cartoon images right now
you're "shocked", huh
then yeah you're a fucking dumbass, jonas, this has always been about you
since day fucking one, it's all you
noctis was the one who had to tell me to stop bringing you up
remember when you said those things to me? use your brain for a sec
if i wasn't touching your dick it was because i had my tongue down YOUR throat
you think it's the first time i heard someone talk like that when they're horny? i wasn't born yesterday
that's not real.
and if it was anything else, it came with a pretty clear glaring neon sign that i was just a friend
when did you ever say you wanted something else?
because you definitely told noctis you want more with him. not me.
tell me i'm wrong.
have you slept together already too? don't wanna waste any time
no subject
A response doesn't come for several minutes. )
No, you're right
You're right about everything
I can admit to a list of my fuck-ups according to you:
- I'm a homewrecker
- You're not worried about yourself in this scenario and actually I make everything about me because I couldn't care less about either of you
- I've been lying this whole time
- I don't use my brain I just do things without thinking about the consequences (clearly)
- I'm a whore who likes taking dick so much that all my feelings are fake
- We've never once just been hugging while I shared my feelings with you because I thought it was the right time and it wasn't (clearly)
- You're my friend and I shouldn't have suggested otherwise
- I kissed Noctis
- I fucked Noctis
- Whatever else you want to add, you can do it here, just tack anything on and then you can honestly just copy/paste it wherever it'd be way easier
Sorry I lead you both on, I messed all of this up pretty bad
I'm gone fr now, yes I'm a coward too
I need some space from both fo you
no subject
Reading that list doesn't feel like winning. It just makes these ugly emotions in him deepen further, jealousy and hurt and anger twisted into an unrecognizable mess. He saw this coming a mile away and he did nothing to stop it, so it's his fault too. There's so much in what Jonas lists that he could further argue, so much that could drive him into a spiral of doubt and insecurity as he imagines the two of them together, without him. Wouldn't they be happier?
It seemed like the right choice at the time. But now he's looking back at all the mean words they've said to each other and he doesn't think so, after all.]
fine
i need some space too.